How Stonewalling Can Ruin Your Marriage

The notion of stonewalling in marriages and other relationships is not new. Still, it has received more attention from family law lawyers, relationship therapists, and other specialists specializing in marriage and divorce. The Gottman Method of Relationship Therapy considers one when the Four Horsemen of the Revelation appear regarding marriages. Stonewalling, like scorn, criticism, and defensiveness, is a damaging habit that, if ignored, typically leads to divorce.

What Is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling is the reluctance to interact. It may take many different shapes and frequently manifests in various ways. Family attorneys and relationship therapists feel that episodes of stonewalling occur in most relationships. Although it’s never ideal conduct, isolated examples can typically be chalked up to the ups and downs that almost all married couples face. Stonewalling, however, is very damaging and may inflict both emotional and bodily injury to both parties. It is often stated as a cause for divorce and may also be a prelude to more severe negative conduct.

Why Do People Stonewall?

Stonewalling is an option, but there are better ones than Stonewalling. Some individuals employ it as a protective mechanism and may be unaware of their actions. It’s very unusual for divorce lawyers to see and address this conduct in their clients. Suppose a person continues to endure criticism from a spouse. In that case, their defensiveness will deepen, and stonewalling is an inevitable outcome for many individuals, as it gives a technique of detaching and avoiding emotional suffering.

Mental health doctors also caution that stonewalling is a narcissistic feature and may be a form of emotional abuse. In an abusive relationship, the abuser may employ the strategy to dominate or manipulate the other person. It may be used to quiet, compel, or even punish someone. A person with narcissistic traits often seeks to shut off any dialogue regarding a subject that makes them uncomfortable. In such a dynamic, gaslighting is frequently utilized in combination with stonewalling.

The Forms Stonewalling Can Take

In a marriage, stonewalling may take various forms. Some of the most typical stonewalling practices, according to numerous divorce attorneys, are:

• In response to queries, the silent treatment was used.
• Acting busy and indulging in other tasks repeatedly throughout conversations
• Leaving a room when a discussion begins
• Putting off already agreed-upon conversations
• Changing the subject, and often in an accusing tone
• Using nonverbal clues, frequently dismissively, rather than speaking

How Do You Know If You’re Being Stonewalled?

It’s vital to remember that a single incidence of any of those scenarios is unlikely to be stonewalling. Your companion may have just had a poor day and was not attempting to obstruct you. If you encounter these experiences repeatedly, therapists urge that you ask yourself four key questions:

• Do you believe you have been heard?
• Do you need help starting conversations?
• Do you find yourself holding back from preventing certain behaviors?
• Do you find yourself continuously needing to persuade your partner?

If you indicated that you did in any of these inquiries, there is a significant likelihood that your spouse is either mistakenly or actively stonewalling you. You can raise the issue with your spouse, but you risk them ignoring you or walking away from the discussion. You may explore counseling to safeguard your mental health and learn other tactics at that time.

How Stonewalling Affects Marriage

Although stonewalling may be an inadvertent protective reflex, it may have serious consequences, even if you are conscious of the inclination. The emotional cost may hurt many facets of your mental health, but there is evidence that emotional wear in a relationship can emerge physically. People who have experienced emotional abuse are more likely to have headaches, lethargy, back discomfort, sleeplessness, and other symptoms. For these reasons, stonewalling must be handled productively as soon as possible. It is also crucial to highlight that someone who stonewalls as a defense technique is just as prone to mental and physical disorders as the other spouse. If ignored, these actions may erode the link between the couples, perhaps leading to disdain and other troubles.

How to Handle a Partner’s Stonewalling

Being stonewalled may elicit a range of emotional reactions. Some will be sorrowful, while others will be enraged. You might also be wounded, annoyed, disappointed, ignored, or lonely. Even if your lover chooses to ignore you, communicate your emotions. Consider how your spouse is dealing with their feelings as well. Be careful of the other “Horsemen” and avoid becoming into them. Even if all you do is take a stroll or a bath, it’s OK to take a break from your partner and look after yourself. It might be beneficial if you also consider seeing a therapist.

Therapy Will Help

Divorce lawyers often advise clients to get counseling when they contemplate divorce or become aware that their marriage isn’t working well. Ideally, you and your husband should go to couples counseling together and work through the challenges as a team. However, if your spouse refuses to participate in treatment, marital therapists suggest you begin counseling independently. Therapy will improve your mental health and offer. You need someone to hear what you have to say. Your therapist will give you methods to defend yourself against stonewalling and other negative behaviors and ways to persuade your spouse to enter treatment.

Meet With an Attorney

You should consult with a divorce lawyer as soon as you consider divorce. You don’t have to make a choice immediately, but the sooner you talk with a lawyer, the better off you’ll be if you divorce. Lawyers that deal with divorce and other family law problems may link you to various services that can assist you whether you remain together or become separated or divorced.

If you decide to divorce, remember that the stonewalling conduct may persist throughout the divorce process. There may not be anything you can do it. The good news is that in Paducah, you may divorce even if your spouse refuses to cooperate.

A Path Forward

If you are struggling with an obstinate spouse, there are options accessible to you, and https://paducahdivorcelawyers.com/ would like to assist you. You may consult with one of our Paducah family law lawyers to examine your marriage’s status and choices. We have offices at 420 N 5th St Paducah KY 42001 and may be reached at (270) 201-7776 or via our website’s contact form.